at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're like the curious george of whores
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
