I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
