My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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