there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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