well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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