I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
