How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is Oprah even human
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize