His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
