WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
