we're chasing vodka with high fives
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
