We need to rekindle our bromance
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
third nipple confirmed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
