I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
