could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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