it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
