My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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