the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
