Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
