Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
