I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Barsexuality is the new black.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
