i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
