I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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