My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
