i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
