saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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