would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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