So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
