i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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