The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
