i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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