i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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