Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
