According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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