"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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