so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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