You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
