so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
