I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize