3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
