Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
