His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
