If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
