She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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