Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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