Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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