There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
