bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize