Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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