her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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