erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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