I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
