The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
