I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
