At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
