i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
