it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Randomize
