Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
