drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
high people should be assigned attendants
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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