Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
