She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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