Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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