Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
