I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
