im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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