i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
